The Insegrevious Hat
By : Michael Cottle
A magic hat you say? Why would you ask? Do you think good magic hats are easy to find? Hardly, I tell you. They are not. I had one. Not a good one, but I had one. As a magician, I despised the stupid thing.
Yes, I practiced my hand at the craft for a bit and made a few bucks out of utilizing stage props for the wow effect. And then, here comes this ordinary looking magic hat. My thoughts were to use it in my act as any other prop.
I had rehearsed with the thing a thousand times. Pull the cute little bunny from the hat and the crowd becomes in awe- you know, the whole crazy show stuff. And then, when I got on stage, nothing happened. Nothing! The crowd sat in silence. I sweated like a pig, but still nothing happened!
It was the worst magical performance of my life. Like an idiot, I just froze there. The audience became so bored they just pulled out newspapers and started reading. Well, needless to say, I was asked to never come back there. And, I tried to perform after that, but I my act was wrecked. I just couldn’t do it. Every time I tried, nothing happened.
So, I drank a little too much one night, and stood on a bridge over the Hudson Bay. I thought about ending it all right there, but I thought about the real cause of my current mess. It was the damn hat- that stupid magic hat that did nothing but give me stage fright. So, I took it off, and I slung it out over the water.
I watched it descend. I watched it sink. I breathed a sigh of relief as it went under the surface. I walked away from that bridge like the weight of the world had been lifted from these shoulders. Can you understand something like that?
The next morning, I woke up with one heck of hangover. The room was still spinning around and around. Yet, when my eyes came into focus, guess what the first thing I saw lying there on the dresser might be? It was that insegrevious, stupid, aggravating, numbskull magic hat!
I’ve tried to destroy it so many ways, in garbage dumps, in fire. I’ve even mailed via FedEx. The hat always finds me. Again and again and again!
So that’s why they found me trimming that giant topiary bush, wearing my hat. And when I could not stand anymore of it, I took it off, and with the shears I shredded into bits. I suppose that fit of insanity was why they put me in this here asylum. Something broke inside of me that day as they drugged me up with meds, and I passed out.
I woke up in here the next day with the hat on the dresser. The Dr. came in mumbled something at me. I sat there in silence in my restraining chair. Before he left, he put that hat on my head. I laughed and laughed and laughed. The laughter was of a special kind. Insegrevious laughter, it was.
By : Michael Cottle
A magic hat you say? Why would you ask? Do you think good magic hats are easy to find? Hardly, I tell you. They are not. I had one. Not a good one, but I had one. As a magician, I despised the stupid thing.
Yes, I practiced my hand at the craft for a bit and made a few bucks out of utilizing stage props for the wow effect. And then, here comes this ordinary looking magic hat. My thoughts were to use it in my act as any other prop.
I had rehearsed with the thing a thousand times. Pull the cute little bunny from the hat and the crowd becomes in awe- you know, the whole crazy show stuff. And then, when I got on stage, nothing happened. Nothing! The crowd sat in silence. I sweated like a pig, but still nothing happened!
It was the worst magical performance of my life. Like an idiot, I just froze there. The audience became so bored they just pulled out newspapers and started reading. Well, needless to say, I was asked to never come back there. And, I tried to perform after that, but I my act was wrecked. I just couldn’t do it. Every time I tried, nothing happened.
So, I drank a little too much one night, and stood on a bridge over the Hudson Bay. I thought about ending it all right there, but I thought about the real cause of my current mess. It was the damn hat- that stupid magic hat that did nothing but give me stage fright. So, I took it off, and I slung it out over the water.
I watched it descend. I watched it sink. I breathed a sigh of relief as it went under the surface. I walked away from that bridge like the weight of the world had been lifted from these shoulders. Can you understand something like that?
The next morning, I woke up with one heck of hangover. The room was still spinning around and around. Yet, when my eyes came into focus, guess what the first thing I saw lying there on the dresser might be? It was that insegrevious, stupid, aggravating, numbskull magic hat!
I’ve tried to destroy it so many ways, in garbage dumps, in fire. I’ve even mailed via FedEx. The hat always finds me. Again and again and again!
So that’s why they found me trimming that giant topiary bush, wearing my hat. And when I could not stand anymore of it, I took it off, and with the shears I shredded into bits. I suppose that fit of insanity was why they put me in this here asylum. Something broke inside of me that day as they drugged me up with meds, and I passed out.
I woke up in here the next day with the hat on the dresser. The Dr. came in mumbled something at me. I sat there in silence in my restraining chair. Before he left, he put that hat on my head. I laughed and laughed and laughed. The laughter was of a special kind. Insegrevious laughter, it was.